Let's encourage our kids to work hard and not demand perfectionism!
I remember when my daughter was in 7th grade, I was not home and she called me right after school. I answered the phone and she was crying hysterically, my immediate thought was something was very wrong. When she finally was able to catch her breath and share with me why she was so very upset, I was a bit confused. She had gotten an 94 on her math test, not the major crisis I had anticipated. After a few questions I was able to understand her perspective and why she was so upset , it was because the school year was almost over and now for the first time she would not have a 100 in her accelerated honors math class! Now some parents might be excited, what an amazingly driven child! No doubt, she has always been very driven! That was the moment I realized I needed to shift the message I was sending her. I started to question myself, where did I teach her to expect so much from herself? Where did I teach this child that her worth was in her grades and in perfection? That conversation, that I did not handle as well as I should have, is engrained in my memory. My amazing little girl who has so much to share with the world is broken over ONE math test in 7th grade! I realized at that moment, I had to challenge myself to send a better message, one that would teach her to be driven, do her best AND teach her balance, to set realistic goals, that perfection is not the goal and she is not just her grades, she is so much more!
Of course as parents we want to encourage our children to be their best and do their best, part of our job is to ensure our kids see their own amazing potential. The tricky part is walking the fine line between encouraging them to do their best and not pushing them to do what WE think is the best. What makes it more challenging is that each child is different. What might be encouraging to one child is too much or too little for another.
Do you struggle with teaching the balance of working hard and perfectionism? As a certified parent coach I can help create a plan individualized to your parent needs. Reach out for a free connection call:
https://www.connectionsparentcoaching.com/contact
If your not ready to reach out to me just yet I hope these tips will help!
How do we encourage our kids to work hard without demanding perfectionism?
We want to encourage our children to do their best and have high expectations AND we want them to feel confident and not create shame and feelings of unworthiness.
~We can start with being mindful ourselves and aware. We can recognize our own triggers and limiting beliefs and try as best we can not to let that drive our parenting choices.
~We can teach the process and celebrate the effort and not the outcome.
~Watch your own reaction when they make mistakes or don't do their best.
~We can teach our kids to recognize their strengths and needs. Celebrate the amazing qualities that makes them who they are.
~Practice mindfulness, try to be present in the moment and practice self compassion. This idea in sports, you either win or you learn! So focus on what you are doing not what you are missing out on.
~Don't compare yourself, your achievements and hard times to others.
~As a parent not only do you want to teach this, we also need to model it!
I am sharing this story because maybe you too as a parent are just recognizing that a shift needs to happen. As parents we do the best we can until we know better! I understand how hard that is to recognize as a parent, I am here to tell you that it is ok! Let's start today to make some shifts and focus on the process, teach your kids to learn from their mistakes and to keep going and work hard!
Reach out for Parent Coaching
For more tips on parenting follow me on instagram @connectionsparentcoaching
If you need support on your parenting journey, reach out for a free connection call 💗
https://www.connectionsparentcoaching.com/
Comments
Post a Comment