Ways to create and empower toddlers to be independent and why its so important!
From a very young age kids want to be independent and are in search of ways to do that! Sometimes we can see this as a parent when our kids are "getting into everything" or saying, "I can do it myself". As parents we often do it for them, for various reasons. Sometimes we don't even know it's something they can do, we don't have time or patience to wait, it will be messy or it just is easier to do it ourselves.
I get it, I totally understand that sometimes you are in a hurry and running out the door!
And, autonomy and independence for toddlers is SO IMPORTANT! It is developmentally appropriate and as parents we help decrease behaviors and frustration when we empower and let our kids do things themselves. We help shape an inner dialog that says "I am worth it, my parents believe in me", "I can do it, it may be hard but I need to keep trying" "Its ok to make a mistake my parents love me"!
We give our kids permission to make mistakes, problem solve, figure things out, learn what they like and don't like, what they are good at and what they need to work on. It teaches them how to make decisions and responsibility! As parents when are kids are older these are qualities that we want them to have, so it is our job to teach them when they are young!
What can we do as parents?
-Free Play- encourage your kids to play without expectations or rules.. give them time and space to play how they want to play! Encourage them and provide them and environment with a variety of materials for building, crafting and imaginary play! At this age they may want you around, encourage them to make choices and create!
-Let them make mistakes- When we first try new things we are not perfect! Know they will make mistakes as they are learning how we respond matters. If we are mad they spilled milk they will be hesitant to try to pour on their own again. They are learning! Encourage them to try again! They will make bad choices, it will take them longer, they will make a mess and when they do things it will NOT look like we did it, and that is OK!
-Chores-Yup toddlers and preschooler can do chores! Maybe not mow the lawn but there are things they can do so they are learning to be part of a team and responsibility. It also makes them feel good and they want to do it! Look at how many toys are little versions of our "chores" or "housework"... I mean Dyson actually has a little vacuum that looks like a tiny version of the real thing and it works! Kids want to help, so let them!
-Give choices- Give kids options and choices within an acceptable and developmentally appropriate framework. It allows them the opportunity to make choices for themselves and experience natural consequences.
-Predictable routines- not necessarily a schedule but a predictable set of steps to follow...knowing what to expect and what comes next helps increase success and allows your child to become more independent.
-Let them help- this helps them gain a sense of control, feel part of a team and a family and build confidence in redirecting behavior to be more productive. For example rather than sitting and waiting for breakfast have them do one simple step, like getting out the cereal.
-Let them solve problems- It is hard to watch your child struggle, but what better way to learn than in the loving and supportive environment of your home and your love? Let them build their own block towers, let them struggle to find where the shape goes in the shape sorter, how to handle sibling disagreements. Does this mean never help, of course not. Encourage them first to figure it out, get comfortable with a little bit of struggle and believe in them to find their own solution!
It is hard to do some of these, it actually takes more time and work as the parent upfront, but the rewards are great!
Go ahead and empower your child to be independent, let me know what happens...
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I am a special education teacher, a mom of a child with medical needs and a parent coach.
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